Hey, beautiful ones!
As promised, here?s the first blog on detoxing. And we?re starting off with a biggie!!!? How do you detox your relationships and make them better than ever? This is information I wish I had years ago. Seriously!
Now, if you?re someone who only has perfect relationships and you get along amazingly well with everyone, this blog?s not for you. Feel free to forward it on to someone who may need it. If, however, you?re like most of us and have one or two or three relationships that need a bit of fine tuning or even a complete overhaul, then please read on because there is hope!
The first step in this exercise is to figure out how much detoxing your relationship needs. Here?s a simple guideline for the five levels of relationships. Of course, these descriptions may not fit every relationship, but as they say in the garment industry, ?if you?re between sizes, please size up.?
1.? The Completely Non-Toxic Relationship ? These are beautiful relationships usually reserved for small kittens, puppies, babies and newlyweds. Everything is perfect. There are no misunderstandings. And even if someone soils the carpet, you get over it quickly or think it?s cute. This relationship needs no detoxing. YAY!
2.? Your BFF (Best Friend Forever) ? There are some people that you just click with and it takes very little effort for you to get along. You barely have to speak and you understand each other totally with just a nod or an eyeroll. But, even in these relationships there can be occasional moments of friction. A little friction is normal in every relationship, but if you find it building up you may want to take some of the actions steps I?ll give you in a minute.
3.? The DGR or Darn Good Relationship ? Ahhh? so many relationships fall into this category. Things are good. They aren?t always great, but you won?t complain. You get along pretty well most of the time. You have respect, admiration and for some people even love. It?s a darn good relationship, but you know it could definitely be better. Read on. This relationship has great potential for improvement.
4.? The Functional Relationship ? This is the relationship where you?re probably getting along out of necessity, but your heart isn?t really into it. Maybe you?re divorced and have to get along for the kids. Or maybe it?s a fellow employee that you have to work with everyday. Maybe it?s a family member that is in your life for keeps. Deep sigh. It?s okay. There is even room for improvement in this relationship. Trust me.
5.? The Nuclear Reactor Relationship ? This is the relationship that can actually cause you physical, mental, emotional or spiritual harm. It?s the one that sets bells off for you and/or your close friends and makes you want to run far away in case it explodes. This one is very toxic and it?s serious business. I will address this one at the end of the blog.
So what can you do if you decide your relationship needs some fine-tuning and detoxing? Here are a few things that will help most relationships very quickly. Try these out:
1.? Look in the mirror. That?s right. Here?s a little tough love for ya. Every relationship takes two people and you have to honestly decide what part you are playing in it. You have to ?own? your half of the situation or nothing will ever change. Really. So hold that mirror up and take a good look. I do this exercise very often myself!
2.? The 80/20 rule. It?s highly recommended that at least 80% of the comments you share with your spouse, partner, friend, co-worker, etc. should be positive, complimentary, empowering, and/or encouraging. Only 20% (at the very most) should be about criticism, critiquing, irritations or negativity.? If this equation is leaning too much towards the criticism and negativity, try to adjust it the other way. I promise this one step alone will help big time!
3.? Read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. This book gives such amazing insights into relationships. I?ve been recommending it to people for over ten years and still refer to it often myself. It will really help you see all relationships differently. There?s a quiz at the end of the book that helps you determine your love language. Read the book and take the quiz! Good stuff!
4.? Write a letter to the person. You don?t have to mail it or even give it to them. This letter is just for you to write down your true feelings. This is where you can be really honest about what is going through you heart and head. Let it out. Let it flow. Then shred it or toss it in the fireplace. In other words, let it all go. No need to hold on to old stuff.
5.? Forgive yourself. Forgive others. Life is short and a lot of stuff that bothers us now won?t even make a bit of difference in a few days, weeks, months or years. The things we hold on to that irritate and annoy us create toxins in our bodies, our relationships and our world. So, whaddya say? Can you just let it go and forgive?
Okay? this list can go on for a while, but these five actions steps are an excellent place to start. Remember that every single person is in your life for a reason. Sometimes that reason is to love, sometimes to learn and sometimes to let go.
And speaking of letting go, there are some relationships that are just too toxic for you ? especially if you?re experiencing physical or emotional harm. Those are the ones I referred to as nuclear reactor relationships. You will not win any awards by trying to change someone, or ?help? them to be a better person. Usually the best thing you can do for that person and for yourself is to leave. This can take a great deal of courage and fortitude. I know it isn?t easy, but you owe it to yourself to steer clear of people who try to take the beauty and magic from you. If you can?t do it on your own, please, please, please reach out to a group or organization that can help. You are not alone and there are people who can guide you through the transition. I believe in you!!!
So, how did you do? Did you notice a one or two things you could do to detoxify a relationship? Please let me know how you did by leaving a comment below.
Can you think of one or two people who might benefit by reading this post? Please feel free to use the buttons below to share it with anyone who is having a relationship challenge.
I?m send you all hugs on angel wings.
Katrina
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Source: http://katrinamayer.com/what-do-you-do-about-toxic-relationships/
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